Evening on my doorstep

So, while I learn about german laws about corporations and limited organisations, the mind does wander. A lot. Damn. Not necessarily what I need or want, but nonetheless what I get. Damn. So, I wonder, as the days goes from twilight to night, will my plans be able to work? To make a plot, to let it stream out and draw to its conclusion means patience. And the further away I get, the more I remove myself from my own perspective, the more maddening it all seems to be. Too much of a conspiracy nut myself, I wonder, when did I start to like the idea of myself as "The Chessmaster" ? Did I always want to be a magnificient bastard? I can assure, that I have not become one. No real knowledge outside some half-read information, partly computed and understood parts of whatever I devoured in the past. Of course, this also means that we come back to the question, what I am, and what I want to be. And here I am, and I do not want to restart this, at the moment.

A while ago, some days it might be, perhaps even weeks, though I´d deny that of course, someone spoke to me on this and it made me of course think again, but then, what does not have this effect on me?

So, here I stand. There is the mountain. Now I need some goddamn perspective between us. Not to mention distance. And some time, some peace, a nice place in the sun. 

The things I want.

A cliff. The sea. Wind in my hair. Childs laughter in the air. Peace. Companions. For the sun to shine. And sometimes. Just sometimes, I´d wish once again for a whiskey to burn trough my throat. If only.

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